They say only the Devil can collect the souls of the living...I
disagree! We have collected a few ourself! People think we're
megalomaniacs but let me ask you this -- how many souls has YOUR band collected?
What do we plan on doing with these souls? The possibilities are endless, but we are hanging onto them for a rainy day. So when the time comes and we need some quick cash to upgrade our equipment, we might sell them to companies like the WWYS (www.wewantyoursoul.com) or we could sell them back to the original owners (Ebay has currently banned the sale of souls).
I know, I know, we could eat these souls and gain immortality, fame and fortune, but that would be cheating. We want to do things the old fashion way -- with blackmail, bribes and threats!
Here's a sampling of the souls we've gathered when suckers...er, people joined our Fan Club, "The Young American Mystic Cult Of Horrors." Names have been removed to protect these soulless beings!
1/3 of this Soul is mine but the bastard wants it back when he dies! What a tease! (We still have not signed it yet.)
One Soul coming right up!
This is signed in blood, nice!
This guys signed over his "living" soul to a "Calabrese brother", now we have to fight over it!
How cute she's giving us her soul, collection to be made upon death, I can't wait!
I'm pretty sure this contract will hold up in court, just try and take it back buddy.
Nice and simple.
Feel free to send us your Soul, no membership required, we'll take good
care of them!
CALABRESE/Spookshow Records
P.O. Box 93817
Phoenix, AZ
85070-5070
-Jimmy
Posts
"One Soul" is my favourite!
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping mine for the time being, just in case Danzig ever decides he wants it in exchange for sexual favours haha
YOU ARE FOOLS!
ReplyDeleteIf you are not saved, your life is meaningless and you have the wrath of God abiding on you, to boot. This is all so needless. Repent of your sins and believe the gospel: Jesus died for your sins, was buried, and rose again the third day--THIS IS THE GOSPEL. Please do not die without Jesus.
those are all fake you guys suck
ReplyDeletedamn! i knew i should've held on to my soul......but that cheeseburger was really good....oh well. how bout i give you control of my motor skills so i can do Calabrese's bidding?? sound good?
ReplyDeleteMan, there are some serious haters out there with not enough balls to post their true identities. I think your soul collection is cool, and I kind of wish that I would have thought of it. I will have to consider my options about joining your eternal army of darkness. Cheers.
ReplyDeletePretty rad, guys!
ReplyDeleteMy soul certificate isnt up there! Does that mean it was lost and I get to keep my soul and still be in the cult?
ReplyDeleteSick! I didn't ever receive any online privileges such as the discount or Ouija board special access. What gives?
ReplyDeleteSigned,
the dude who signed in blood.
Haha, this is so neat. I should do that one of these days...
ReplyDeleteI've wanted to joing the "Young American Mystic Cult of Horrors" for quite some time, but I have just one problem: I have no soul to offer! I'm a completely devoid shell, animated by God knows what!
ReplyDelete"Sick! I didn't ever receive any online privileges such as the discount or Ouija board special access. What gives?"
ReplyDeleteSorry about that, email me and I'll fill you in.
"If you are not saved, your life is meaningless and you have the wrath of God abiding on you, to boot."
"those are all fake you guys suck"
Please relax, this is all in good fun.
Thanks
-Jimmy
I have personally own 5 of my friends souls, tommorow I'm getting them to sign the contract!
ReplyDeleteOh, the wonders of chocolate waffers.